Is there a diagnosis called *Broken*

I feel like or I’m convinced that I’m broken inside but I don’t know if that’s a word or a medical term. I guess it’s my self diagnosis. I come or came from a Broken home that pretends we’re perfect, I have had messed up relationships from my trauma growing up in a broken home. I guess my parents and siblings made their peace in their minds but unfortunately for me I didn’t recover. Actually I didn’t think I would end up feeling like this. I’ve been the stronger, tougher one. Friends and family can come to me with their issues and I would surely help however I can because technically, according to them and my college grades I’m smarter, more thoughtful, intelligent etc but that lives me with a vacuum, who do I share my problems with because everyone assumes I have my shit together…..I try to fill this vacuum with meeting new people, talking to strangers but it’s not helping, drinking, smoking, sex, long walks, crying. When I was younger writing was my therapy. Every year I had a diary where I could express my emotions but now I don’t know if that’s a good idea now that I have a partner with me. What if they snoop and discover that I’m actually not what they think I am. My bf is actually very good at snooping into my privacy so I’m sure once I’m writing he’s gonna wonder and eventually snoop. I think I created this insecurity in him too for he caught Me lying and meeting other people before. I actually need help I’m sure of it but I don’t know how to go about it . I know this doesn’t really make sense to you all but maybe this is also my first step to come to terms with my situation 🌝🌝