Upset about restraining order😭

I just had to file for a restraining order against my babys father , im currently 37 weeks pregnant with our first baby together, i cant beleive im actually saying this but i am actually upset about having to file for a order of protection against him. I really did love him and he blind sided me with the way he was, i didnt see his full true colors until after i fell pregnant.. hes wished death on me and my baby endless times and even threatened to show up to the hospital to abuse me once the baby is born.. i know i can do just fine for me n baby with out him but its just the fact that everything i had pictured and planned for us and this baby is all down the drain.. i am hanging on by a thread mentally and physically i been so stressed and upset. Am i wrong for feeling this way? And not to mention he was caught cheating multiple times throughout the pregnancy ontop of this.. maybe im crazy or maybe im just hormonal for feeling upset about all this😢 sorry i know this was pointless i just needed to get on n vent to someone anyone cuz i feel like nobody understands what im going through rn but it felt good to type this out n get it off my chest🥺😭 i just feel as if i am grieving a family i never got to have for my baby and i😭😭😭😭😭