Mental health/Surgical or Medical.

Hi. I'm 26 and this is the first time i've fell pregnant. I never thought I could get pregnant.. I went from being so happy, got my first job and finally finding myself and my independence after 10 years in self isolation due to agoraphobia and social anxiety to absolutely miserable since the test came back positive and I feel terrible that i'm miserable about it. I've struggled with mental health for years (bpd) i also have a lot of traits of autism. This huge and sudden change in how my body feels and future life changes are hard to deal with right now, my mind won't stop racing, i'm having suicidal thoughts, extreme depression and anxiety, non stop crying. Also crying at the fact i'm leaning towards the decision of abortion. I haven't told my family (they'll judge me for being pregnant let alone abortion) so i'm feeling quite alone. I've never felt this alone. In saying all that, are those feelings okay? And what is everyones experience with either surgical/medical. I feel like going with surgical, I'm just petrified or the unknown. Any advice, tips and stories would be appreciated. Thanks for reading.