Was I being rude?

Ok maybe a long story…..I’ll try to keep it as brief as possible…

My mom hates daycares. Never sent us to one and never wanted her grandkids to go to one. She watched my first daughter 5 years ago and watched my niece part time several years ago. All was mostly just fine. Except my parents don’t have the greatest relationship. My dad has anger/yelling outbursts at times, my mom will yell back, it’s a whole issue for another day and we know it’s not a good dynamic. The kids have been subjected to that a handful of times and no one likes it. Ok fast forward to present day.

I’m 12 weeks pregnant and everyone says I need to start looking for daycares now if we won’t have family watching the baby. My SO discussed possibly asking his mom if she would be interested, possibly along with my mom to split the work week and watch the baby. But I wanted to discuss everything with my mom first bc I know she would be offended if we made any arrangements with another caregiver or definitely a daycare before talking to her.

So I txt my mom a brief synopsis of my thoughts, saying I never expected her to watch them, we could find alternate arrangements, etc and she said we would talk later.

So that night I talked to my mom, and she said she didn’t want the baby going to daycare and if my SO mom couldn’t watch them part time, she would watch them full time. Said it wasn’t ideal, but she doesn’t want the baby in daycare.

Now my parents situation has been extra volatile lately, my dad isn’t home most days, my mom doesn’t hardly do anything around the house anymore and spends most of her days sitting on the porch smoking and playing on her phone or talking to my sister about all her drama. And my mom has said herself in the recent past that she just doesn’t have the patience for things like she used to, and sometimes just can’t remember things like she used to. She’s 63.

So I said I was thinking of what was best for everyone, and she said thanks I appreciate that. And after saying I was taking her health and mentality into consideration, I started asking if she really thought she could do it full time. And I started to say, “I just don’t know if you can…” and she cut me off and say ok ok just stop there, you can stop and find that baby a daycare and then she hung up on me. And sent me a text a while later saying maybe I shouldn’t trust her with my other daughter either bc I might come pick her up one day and she will be in the microwave. So all the while our conversation was nice and pleasant and considerate and going fine, after I stressed I was thinking about everyone’s mental, emotional, financial health etc as soon as she heard me say I don’t know if you can (was going to say mentally, physically take that on with all the other crap you have going now) she took it as I was saying she was incapable and cray and could put my baby in harm. Which I never was questioning the baby’s safety.

And now she’s not speaking to me.

Sorry that was long…but did I do anything wrong? If she was offended, couldn’t she have stayed on the phone and expressed herself, not acted immature and hung up? I’m trying to make the best decision for everyone.