Help me stay strong

I just got out of a 12 year relationship and we have 2 children together. Honestly it hasn’t been the best relationship but it ended on a really bad note. Things got physical that left marks on my face, neck and arms, he took off and I called the cops. There is now a warrant for his arrest and I have my 2nd court date for a PFA this week.

He is texting my oldest son about how much he misses mommy, loves mommy so much and how he’s bought me a Harry Potter mug (two of my favorite things).

It’s making me so much more angry and confused. Yes I still love him and I want him to see his kids. We spent 12 years together and he knows absolutely everything about me. I thought I knew who he was but I’ve come to learn over the years he has a terrible lying habit.

I feel like he’s still manipulating me and he isn’t even here.

Please give me some encouraging words because I’m all over the place with my emotions.