Just need to vent

So I just had my first baby with my first boyfriend ever. We started dating when i was 19. I obviously wasn’t his first. After 4 years we ended up having a baby. He cheated on me the whole relationship to be honest, I moved here from overseas after my abusive dad kicked me out. I feel like i stayed with “my bf” regardless of the cheating and abuse just cause of my dad. But anyways everyday i just beat myself up over actually staying with someone like this and having a kid with them. I wish I would’ve had lost my virginity to somebody else, i wish i would’ve had my baby with somebody else. Today his first gf checked out his tiktok and he told me about it, i told him it wasn’t surprising as she still follows him on instagram. This just made everything pop back up cause he was basically telling me that i’ve went thru so much shit because of here which is mainly cheating ig. So i was like u put me thru so much sh*t too for no fucking reason n he was just like 🙄. He talked about how he got me a flight to go back home when i found out i was pregnant after not seeing them for 3 years but he literally was just waiting on that to cheat on me again right after i left he went on fb marketplace n looked for a phone just to cheat on me with. There’s so much more to be honest. Cheated on me this whole relationship n more. I just wish i respected myself back then n now. I just feel like i don’t deserve nothing better now. Has somebody went thru something almost exactly the same. Does it get better? If it does after how long cause i’m literally about to give up. I’m just so tired of beating myself up for it.