Feeling Defeated

I am so depressed. I’ve never wanted to crawl under a rock and die so bad. I’m up with my newborn every night, I don’t get a break. He’ll get up and ask if she’s ok if he hears her crying too loud over diaper changes or on the rare occasion he’ll feed her a bottle until I finish peeing. He’s been complaining about our toddler tossing & turning so I took her in the middle of the night to give him a break and had both babies but me? I never get a break. I don’t get any sleep, my body hurts from dozing off sitting up because my newborn won’t allow me to put her down at all. This morning I just had to put her down, I tried so many different positions, rocking her so many ways but nothing. She was changed and fed, I didn’t know what was wrong with her and I started getting so overwhelmed. I put her in her swing and she cried, I ended up calling him to come help and the first thing he says is “Why the f* are you letting her cry” & im telling him I didn’t know what to do or what’s wrong with her. He said to me a few days ago that maybe he should take our newborn to his mom’s house to give me a break because she “senses my energy” insinuating that she’s always crying with me and calm with him but it’s because I’m the one who puts in the hard work making sure she’s fed and clean so of course she’ll come to you calm. I’m just frustrated because I’m feeling like a bad mom, I didn’t want her to cry this morning but my body is literally caving and he doesn’t understand because he doesn’t deal with it. He’s not as active with her as he was with our first so everything is on me, he gets to take naps for hours while I have BOTH babies. I don’t get to nap unless both babies are sleep at the same time which is rare. I don’t get to have days where my depression hits and I don’t want to do anything because I’m a mom but he does and I’m starting to resent him.