Family, relationships, & relocating …

So I recently found out some of my family will be moving back to the city I live in after 10+ years. I’ve found that I have a big mix of emotions about this & feel really guilty for feeling anything other than excitement.

The thing is, I’ve gotten used to having long-distance relationships with basically all of my family, and to be honest, it generally works out better that way. Especially since I’ve been married for a handful of years now, and I live a really independent & private lifestyle. They aren’t really that way… everyone tends to have an opinion about everyone else & when there’s drama & disagreements, it’s all over the place. I don’t want to get caught up in all that.

It’s not that I don’t love/care for/appreciate/etc them, im just worried about several things, another being regular drop in company and/or social obligations more than I can handle. I know it would be insulting to the core to them if they felt even the smallest amount of rejection from me, and I’m not sure how to navigate this without overextending my social capacity but making sure they feel welcomed & important also.

My husband has pretty bad adhd and that means that his emotions, moods, stress levels and general abilities to exist basically are constantly up and down. We have a business that we run together & that also can make for high stress situations, as well as being more busy at times. I have pretty bad anxiety issues, especially when it comes to social situations of any kind, and I’m very introverted & private overall. I don’t really want my family to see our messy private lives, I prefer to keep things lighthearted and at arms length so to speak. I like to not have any obligations when I need to deal with messy stuff, and then be able to reach out & enjoy calls & such when I’m functioning okay. I know that they won’t understand many things about my life, and I also feel like I’ve grown a lot as a person and don’t really share/agree on a lot of different things that were the “norm” growing up. I’m concerned that maybe people might think differently of me with my family being around now also.

I know this all sounds selfish, it FEELS selfish, but I’m just worried I’ll find myself in situations that I don’t know how or what to do. They’re all over the moon thrilled about finally having the opportunity to move back here, making plans to spend practically every minute together, and I feel so so bad about faking enthusiasm for it. I do look forward to it in some aspects, but certainly not the whole bigger picture, and im just not sure what to do, there’s literally nobody I can talk to about this also…. 😔