I have trouble with calling my partner's daughter, his daughter.

My partner is 15 years older than me. I'm 30.

When I met him about 10 years ago, I was happy taking on his 3 sons and treating them like my own.

I didn't know about his "daughter" until 5 years into the relationship when SHE reached out to him.

The thing is that she's not actually biologically his. Now I don't have a problem with that per sé.

The thing is that he found out she wasn't his when she was about 10 months old, he's on her birth certificate. For reasons unknown to me they didn't have contact anymore. Her mom died about 6 months after they cut contact. my partner's mom says it's his fault they didn't have any contact, he says it's the girl's grandmother's fault, I can see both as my partner isn't an easy person and is known to lie to make himself look better, it's not that I don't believe him but more of a case of leaving the truth in the middle and admitting that I don't know the truth and it's not important to me. Anyways. The girl is 22 in meanwhile. They didn't have a lot of contact until maybe a year ago. So neither biologically nor - imo - emotionally has she ever actually been his daughter. I'm fine with him being a sort of afterwards father figure to her and I am absolutely fine with her presence and her being here. I like having her around and she's been through a lot, she can use a support system that's actually there for her.

The only problem I have, partly because of my autism, is that I feel like I'm lying when I talk about his "daughter" because she isn't actually her daughter. Biologically nor emotionally nor adoptive..

So.. is that wrong of me?

My partner is calling her his daughter without hesitation and it's only a matter of time when he notices I don't call her his daughter or our kid's sister (yes we have a kid to, that wasn't important for this topic)

@Montana

No, a lawsuit happened where he lost/gave away all his parental rights when she was about 10 months old. But if he was actually there for her in her life, I wouldn't have an issue, she'd be his daughter emotionally. But they didn't connect until after she was an adult. She really wasn't his child when she was a child, if you know what I mean?

It's more like.. if your parent starts dating a new person after you moved out.. you don't call them a step parent because they never actually parented you, right?

@Ashley

I'm not wanting to fight over it. This is a problem that I have. She'll always be welcome, I like having her around, I only have the problem with the word daughter. She isn't calling him dad either.

She also did connect with her biological dad and had some kind of co-parenting situation going on at some point, I don't know the details but she told us about that.

@Sasha

I agree about her being part of the family ❤️