Reationship Issues

NO JUDGEMENT PLEASE!!! Me and my children’s father got together in 2019, moved in 2020, & we broke up in 2021 after so much drama between us.. it just wasn’t healthy anymore. I feel like it was a trauma bond so we never stopped messing with each other, we had our first child in 2022 then our second 2023 (11 months apart). During my second pregnancy I had completely fell out of love with him and I thought it was just hormones but my mind hasn’t changed 5 months later. We decided to get back together last month but I felt like I was pressured, I told him I didn’t want a relationship but he kept bringing it up.. he told me I was breaking his heart and it seemed like it just made coparenting more difficult because he would always just create unnecessary arguments that didn’t pertain to the kids. Just typing this out I don’t know why I agreed to get back together. To wrap it up, I’m healed from what went on in our past.. I don’t feel anything with him anymore and I honestly thought us spending more time together would help gain those feelings back but I’m forcing it too and it’s just making me unhappy. I feel like both he & I deserve so much better but I think he’s holding onto our history and the fact that we have two children. I want to break things off but how .. like I truly want to see him happy with somebody else but how do I express that? Has anybody gone through this? 😞 I just don’t want to be with somebody just because we have children together because I’ve heard so many stories about that affecting the kids and I want the best for both the kids and him. (I am in therapy for those recommending, he isn’t & refuses)