How do I explain to my 4 year old we don’t need to share EVERYTHING to everyone. she has this habit of sharing everything my husband and I do “wrong”. For example:

My husband got frustrated doing yard work in 100+ degrees and ripped his shirt off, totally unaware that my daughter was looking out of the window watching him. My 4 year old has been going around telling literally everyone “daddy got mad and ripped his shirt off.” She told everyone at a family barbecue, told my parents during her daily call with them, told her pediatrician at her recent appointment. Immediately after it happened he told her he shouldn’t have done it and sometimes people get angry and frustrated. He fully owned up that he shouldn’t have done it. He’s obviously not proud of it but we all have our moments. Now any time he shows the smallest bit of frustration, she tells him to not rip his shirt off. It’s really embarrassing my husband. We simply tell her that it won’t, daddy learnt from the last time.

Today on our way to the store i accidentally backed into the cart return and out of shock i yelled “goddamn it”. Right after it happened she said “let’s call grandma so i can tell her about the car.” And I explained that grandma doesn’t need to know about that. I tried telling her we all make mistakes and have accidents and when it’s over, it’s time to move on. It’s not nice to tattle etc. I dropped her off at daycare after and immediately she tells my husbands aunt (runs the daycare) that “mommy hit the cart return with her car and yelled.” She knew she wasn’t supposed to tell her because right before she says “mommy cover your ears so you can’t hear me tell Mimi about the car.” Again— it’s embarrassing.

She’s 4 so things definitely get misconstrued as she doesn’t have total understanding. Like my husband and I were talking and I sarcastically told him “omg shut up” and the next time we see my MIL she tells her “mommy was rude and told daddy to shut up.” My husband was putting a shelf up and when he was hammering into the wall, a picture frame fell and shattered and that turned into “daddy hit the wall and broke a picture frame.” Our dog got into our trash and she heard me say “ugh I hate this dog” and started telling everyone “mommy hates our dog”. Clearly I need to be more careful about what I say, but damn.

It’s like anytime my husband and I have “bad behavior” she feels the urge to tell any and everyone she can. I get it, but it’s also embarrassing for me and my husband. We’re all human and make mistakes, lose our cool, have accidents etc. but I don’t really want my 4 year old sharing all those events. I don’t want or need our whole family knowing about our problems. I definitely want my daughter to feel like she can share things with me and my husband and trusted adults but how do I get her to realize we don’t need to share everything?