We had a bumpy start to our relationship, I had trust issues but he showed me he wasn't sneaky, he didn't give off any type of red flags. I genuinely thought in my mind that he was actually serious about us, the relationship.

Then he went on a trip to his hometown. He said he couldn't take me because of transportation issues, I was understanding. That was a year ago.

He left his messenger page open on his computer recently and my trust issues started buzzing in my mind a bit, I wanted to just reassure myself, I looked at his messages just to see that all the women in there were just friends. I was super relieved, until I scrolled a little too far up on a conversation with one of his female friends from his hometown. On that trip, he was telling her he would be there for a few more days after she turned down his invite to hang out.

So yes, I did scroll up more and this is the same woman he got nudes from while we were having a really rough time in our relationship, we were basically on a break so I don't want to think of him getting nudes from her at that time as cheating since our relationship was struggling a lot.

But during the trip, she was telling him she's already in bed and didn't feel like going out and he let her know he's gonna be in town for a couple more days. It's like he was hoping she would come see him. Maybe I'm crazy. Maybe I'm actually not the only girl on his mind. Who cares anymore. I needed to vent that out. Because I'm engaged to him and I don't know how to trust anymore.

I'm going to take a break from relationships for a bit when I figure out how to leave.