Does he love me?

Question

My boyfriend has been acting less affectionate with me. The one thing he says constantly is when I try and hug him and cuddle he turns it into a joke and says 'I don't like him like that'. I tell him I do and stop being silly everytime. I told him he needs to stop because it's stressing me out leading me deep into my thoughts. We barely have sex now. Didn't recieve a birthday card. (He would make me cards from scratch for any occasion in the past). He is 32 and I'm 26 and wants me to move in with him. We decided I would live with him during the week and spend the weekends with my family. I can't stand the pressure of moving in with him so suddenly. Told him I will do it when I'm ready. Tonight we were sat together and I tried to hold his hand but he flinched away. Was awkward and silent. He said he just doesn't know how to be affectionate with me now. He doesn't think there is any point. I thought he was just saying it in the moment but he said it's actually been on his mind a while. I question if he even loves me now. Am I just a person to make him feel less lonely maybe?

Answer

I see from your previous reply that youve only been together 11 months. This is problematic and possibly manipulative imo. If youve been together for a long while, I could see how he may feel youre not fully committed if you still refuse to move in, and is questioning your future together, though I still think that withholding affection isnt the answer. But after 11 months hes pushing for you to move in and withdraws affection as a consequence to your boundaries feels like manipulation. If hes having doubts then he needs to actually talk to you vs being passive aggressive, but if hes having doubts then he shouldnt be pressuring a next big relationship step. I think you need to have a real sit down talk and discuss both issues. Look part of dating is seeing how the other person is about conflict resolution. In the beginning honeymoon phase theres usually not much of that. This is an opportunity to show the true colors of your relationship and his character and see how problems are resolved...important info before you move in, get engaged etc.

Answer

How long have you been together? I feel once you are in your 30s you kind of just want stability in a relationship and know that it is going to that next level of moving in together. Me personally that is how I feel being 30 is finding someone that wants a serious relationship and move in together to start a life together otherwise I don’t see a point in dragging on things if we both can’t be on the same page of wanting the same things out of life. But I also get the whole not rushing things because you want to be sure they are the person for you. Maybe he just feels it as a rejection and that you aren’t sure about the relationship so maybe some reassurance and maybe like a time frame on where you would want to take that step would help.

Answer

It sounds like you need to have a proper talk about what’s really going on under all these strange behaviors. It seems like too much info is missing to make any conclusions yet. I think he really needs to open up and be honest about what he’s feeling, why he is doing/saying these things, when he noticed these changes and if they are linked to something that happened/something you said or did and how/if you can both overcome these issues. If you can’t reach an understanding then maybe the relationship is over? Best of luck 🌸

Answer

Instead of wondering about this, have a conversation with him. Let him know that you have been feeling neglected and unloved lately. Tell him what you need from him in order to feel loved. Ask him if he is willing to provide those things. If he isn't, then you are with the wrong man. ￼

Does he love me?

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