Relationship with mom coming to an end?

I’m at a loss for what to do. I feel stuck. I haven’t talked to my mom in over a month because she’s going through some religious changes. She also doesn’t like my husband and so she doesn’t talk to him. Like she never reaches out to him to say hello or ask how things are going (to say the least). We have two littles 1 and 3. The more she ignores him the more upset he gets and says honest yet hurtful things to her (which pushes people further away, but he doesn’t understand why people don’t want to reconcile. This tends to be a cycle in his relationships). Anyway. Mom doesn’t want to talk unless it’s “hi how are the kids? How are you?” Hubby doesn’t want to talk unless it’s “where are you? Be a better grandparent. Stop neglecting your children and grandchildren.” And he doesn’t want me to talk to her unless I can be stern with her and tell her why we are offended by the things she says or by the things she doesn’t say (ie. Ignoring serious topics for the sake of not arguing). So now I want to call her to talk to her but whenever this happens my husband and I get into an argument afterwards (or lately him yelling at me/telling me of his disappointment and how I disrespect him) because I didn’t stand up for him or stand up to my mom and demand that she speak to him. I want to talk to her but I don’t want to upset my husband. But I’m also very bad at being stern with my mom as that is not the kind of person I am.