My son's dad told him to hit people

Me and my son's father are not together but co-parent. He sees his dad every other week. My son is 14 and has been dealing with some bullying since last year. The bullying started over one of his former friends sharing messages around the school where my son admitted to having a crush on him. I told my son that I love him whether he's straight or bisexual or whatever sexuality in that rainbow but that may be he should keep it to himself so he doesn't get bullied. There wasn't much I could do for the bullying. I'm an adult. They're children and it wouldn't be appropriate for me to go up to children that are not mine and scold them. So I just told him to ignore them. He went through a depression and more mental health issues and wasn't taking care of himself. We had to cut some of his hair because he let some mats form over summer so now the bullying isn't as much about his sexuality and now that he's smelly and gross. So I told him he needs to shower. I've been encouraging him to just hang in there. Winter break is coming soon. We had a problem with this one kid slamming him into a locker and I've been telling him to avoid these kids and if he sees them go the other direction. My son told me his dad said next time something happens punch them. I called his dad and told him I didn't appreciate him teaching our son to use violence. He told me "Yeah well your stupid passive way of handling this isn't working. If they aren't going to stop I told me he has my permission to hit back. What's the worst that's gonna happen? He gets detention? Suspended? We'll live." My son is a very sweet kind hearted kid and I feel teaching him to handle things with violence now will put him on the path of toxic masculinity where he's handling everything with violence. I told my son to ignore his dad and nit do that but he told me I haven't done anything about the bullying. I explained that they aren't my children. I cannot and will not go scold someone else's child. I'm worried he is going to snap and hit those kids and that's not what I want. I explained it woulr make him just as bad. I'm not sure what to do.

Edit: If anyone of you believe that as an adult it's appropriate to go and cuss out a child then that shows your emotional maturity. I tried to fix the actual problem at hand. I told him to keep his sexuality to himself and when he goes off to college he will be free to explore and when he was bullied for his hygiene I told him to take a shower. I was trying to help with the actual problem instead of being an adult harassing a child.