My son likes princess dresses and the bullying from parents is horrible. How do you nurture a different child when the bullies are parents?

Question

My son is a boy's boy but he really, really loves princess dresses. He's five and as far as I can tell (not that it matters) he is a heterosexual boy who identifies as a boy. He wants to marry Cinderella one day because she knows how to clean really well and talks to mice 😅
He LOVES princess dresses. Like loves to put them on and twirl. He was so upset that only girls get to wear dresses in public. I explained to him that in our town, people don't like when boys wear dresses and I don't want him to deal with people being mean. He sort of understands, but we have lots of dress up dresses for him at home. We play dressup all the time.
He is not trans or a drag queen. For him, he just loves dresses. He loves how the fabric sparkles and moves. 
This disturbs his two closest friends moms. They no longer let my son play with their sons because he played dressup at their house and wanted to be the princess. The moms have since called me a pedophile and sicko. I told them that playing dressup is something kids do. Are they upset that their boys wore pirate costumes? Or a Tarzan costume? No. It's harmless.
I just don't know how to nurture a little spirit when everyone is so intent on telling him he can't do the thing that makes him happy and quite literally has no effect on anyone else. I would love to let him just be who he is, but he's learning that his home is a safe place and that sometimes, we have to do things we don't want to in order to protect ourselves.

Answer

I have one of those boys. He’s 8. I’ll be honest. I let him wear the dresses. He wears them whenever and whenever he wants. Including to school. We talk a lot about the beliefs of other families and the beliefs of ours. When someone identifies themselves as an unsafe family, we move on to better friends. We also go to counseling specifically to build our muscles on how to deal with bullying. They’re kids, so LGBTQIA+ labeling isn’t a part of our discussion, but it might be. And that’s okay. My son knows he’s one million percent supported in our home, and we’d easily go no contact with any and everyone who doesn’t agree. On my end, I purposely put myself in positions where I get to know the adults in charge. I am on the board at baseball, I coach soccer, I run the concession stand at swim, I never miss a PTA event or meeting. I’m on the parental advisory committee for the school district. If there’s a fund raiser, I sell more and raise more than anyone else, every time. I donate money, time, food, clothes, you name it. I am on a first name basis with the super intendant of schools and the school board, I have the principal’s personal cell phone number, in fact she just bought me gifts for the twins I had two weeks ago. I am very intentional with my networking efforts to ensure the safety of my son. I have all the right relationships in place and maintained in the event I need to call in a favor. I will do what I need to do to make sure my kid has the tools he needs to be himself, and the support behind him. It’s sad that this is the way it has to be, but thankfully I have the resources to be able to have his back, always.

Answer

Can I just say that as someone living in Denmark where people in general are very open minded I am absolutely shocked to read this. 
How can grown people judge a 5 year old for what he wears?? That’s absolutely absurd. 
I have a boy just like yours. He’s five years old and loves cars and rough play and all that but he also loves dresses and glitter and nail polish. He has pink glittery rain boots and winter boots with glitter on them and a snow suit with flowers on it and regularly wears dresses to school. People couldn’t care less. 
Sometimes a child would comment that he looks like a girl but all he says is “well but I’m a boy” and then he’s done with that. He couldn’t care less what others think because here kids are allowed to be themselves. 
I really feel for your little boy. It must be so hard to understand what those mean adults are all about when all he wants is to wear a princess dress ❤️

Answer

Just ignore those incredibly incompetent comments. Most of that stems from toxic masculinity stereotypes and suppressed femininity. Just keep nurturing your little boy. No one else’s opinions matter. ￼

Answer

Honestly if those moms were going to be so judgmental then their kids are probably going to grow up judgmental too so it’s probably for the best but it’s unfortunate. My son wanted to be princess peach for halloween last year, not because he’s trans but because he loves princess peach lol, and he got SO many compliments so i hope it helps to know there are still some good people out there. Just keep doing what you’re doing, the best thing to do is teach him not to care what other people think and to just be himself. The right people won’t care or be judgmental

Answer

I really don’t have any advice, but your post made my heart hurt. Your little boy sounds very sweet. My boy is almost 3 and also enjoys things that aren’t hyper-masculine. Couldn’t care less about toy trucks or trying to jump off of the biggest play ground equipment he can find. He’d much rather push his Bingo (from Bluey) plushie around in a stroller and play picnic with his stuffies. I do agree with the other commenter, if these boys’ moms are like that, they’ll likely end up that way too. Which is such a shame. I don’t know where you live or the size of town you’re in. But I’d just keep encouraging him to be his most authentic self. Love to you, momma ❤️

Answer

My daughter was also one of these kids that had her own sense of fashion and people used to tell me i needed to do better as a mum. If you're child is happy then who cares. He will find people very quickly who love him for who he is. He sounds amazing and definitely someone I would want best friends with my daughter if she was younger. He sounds wonderful. I would allow your child if you can to see you standing up to these ridiculous 1920's small minded A*holes. Theres so much beauty in being different. Hang in there mumma

My son likes princess dresses and the bullying from parents is horrible. How do you nurture a different child when the bullies are parents?

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