💔 this sucks

Three months ago I left my sole mate.

We were together 10.5 years.. had a blended family and lived together.

Little back story. Despite our amazing relationship, never once did he look at me and tell me he loved me, and so I never said it to him. Only wrote it in cards and such..

he had a bad habit of giving the silent treatment, sometimes for days/ weeks. After years of that behavior, and trying other avenue’s I just did it right back to him! And he had a bad habit of when he got stressed or struggled financially ( usually very well off ) he’d say he wanted us to split or it’s over ! But I never left and smoothed everything out. He also informed one year ago he didn’t believe in marrage . And I had made it clear from our 5th date I did.

If you’re still reading, this is the hard part.. my mom passed away 4 months ago, and 3-4 weeks after she passed he started with his behavior, stressed with $, work and started the silent treatment and then said “ your better off without me” well, I packed a u haul with what I could fit and I left !

And here I am 4 months later, grieving my mom’s death and my family/ boyfriend.

We met up once to talk, and it didn’t go as planned. In my head I wanted him to realize what he had with me, how much he missed me, us our family and we would do counseling and marriage would be both our end goals.. yeah, no !

Basically if I loved him a piece of paper wouldn’t matter and I left him, our home and family ( kids grown and out ) so it’s my fault and he’s the heart broken one… and her I am staying with a friend devastated, heart broken and destroyed