am i overreacting?

Question

i asked my boyfriend (17)  of 3 years last night if we could hang out today and he said yes. so today i texted him about it and this is our conversation. he always acts like i’m not doing anything to come see him when it was for one my idea today and i’m always the one having to go there because he rarely wants to pick me up and he’s too scared to come hangout at my house.(he’s never even tried coming here where as i’ve met his whole family when he wanted me to) we’ve had this argument so many times and the blame is always on me. am i wrong to be this upset over how he’s treating me? i dedicate so much time for him and it makes me feel shitty that he doesn’t even notice.also i literally just spent the night twice this week

Answer

I disagree with the other two ladies on this post.
I think you are reacting well. School should ALWAYS come first, if he doesn’t understand that, then you need to leave. Especially considering he has no respect for your boundaries (curfew). I was a single mom for 4 years and dated off and on in those years and I ran into this A LOT! Man wants me to come over at the drop of a hat when I have a child and obviously can’t do that, Drs appointments, emergencies with my son, etc. gets mad when I tell him I have to have time to prepare a sitter, and he gets mad because “I don’t make time for him”. IT WORKS BOTH WAYS!! 
You’ve got 2 choices: 
1. Work out a schedule that works best for the both of you to see one another, make a plan. Take both, school and work schedules and come up with a date plan that works for both of your schedules.
OR
2. Leave/tell him you need a break. Be single, get caught up on school, and then start dating again (same guy or different).
Communication in a relationship is KEY. It seems like you are communicating well with him, he is too(ish). I can see why you both are frustrated. I remember being in high school and dating (living with my dad, he did NOT want me to date) I wasn’t allowed to spend the night and neither was the guy I was dating, I had a curfew, all of it, plus some. You deserve to be happy, and as a teenager…a relationship is hard work. 
Good luck girlie. Be strong. You’ve got this.

Answer

You are not over reacting and your emotions and thoughts are valid.
1) You are allowed to want something and then change your mind about it
2) School comes first, especially high school 
3) Your boundaries need to be respected
Honestly I had super strict parents who wouldn't let me spend the night at a friend's house. I needed to respect the curfew, have good grades, and help out at home. Those are all boundaries they set but not everyone I met understood or supported me in respecting those boundaries. I had a bf who have very easy going parents and he never understood that I had very little opportunities to hangout and couldn't just push dates around. He began saying I wasn't putting effort into the relationship and that I was selfish because everything had to be on my terms. In reality I was super stressed trying to accommodate him while also respecting boundaries. I struggled with understanding I was doing all I could, we were just on different life styles. We eventually broke off, I graduated HS, and met my fiance in college. Not everyone will understand and support you and that's ok. But the ones who do will stay and those are the most fulfilling relationships. Hope all turns out well.

Answer

You’re the same girl posting that he only wants you to come at night for sex right??? Seems so the way y’all text. You’re getting so feisty for what? Relax. You seem like you don’t have time for him with “shit to do” and curfew. If it’s going to be fights like that and you blowing up and saying you don’t want to talk the. Maybe you all should part ways. If you’re way too busy and he wants more time together what can you all possibly do? You’re too young for this. Don’t stress yourself out over this. You got a lot on your plate and shouldn’t feel guilty for it.

Answer

For those saying your overreacting no your not. A relationship works boths ways, it shouldnt always fall on you to make the effort to go to him all the time. He clearly has no respect for your boundaries or your curfew therefor doesnt deserve you. Dont take his shit and let him make you feel bad you know your putting in more effort than him and thats why hes turning it on you.

Answer

No youre not overreacting. School is important and he isn't seeing that. Id reevaluate the relationship

Answer

I couldn’t read all of it but honestly read 75%. 
I think you’re overreacting. 
It sounds like he just wants to spend more time with you but that your availability doesn’t line up and he feels like he moves things around to see you more than you’re willing to do to see him. 
You on the other hand are extremely busy and have a lot on your plate! I don’t think there’s “right or wrong” here, but I do think you’re flipping out for no reason ❤️

Answer

You’re not overreacting. 
He wants you to spend the night but does he offer to pick you up or pay for a cab? He’s a teenage boy so of course he’s only concerned about having sex with you. To him, his needs trump yours (which is to simply spend quality time with him, even if it’s just an hour).
Girl, this boy isn’t “your forever”. It sucks but a guy that will guilt trip you for wanting to focus on school work because you’re falling behind isn’t someone you can trust to have on your corner.
If the two of you make up after this, please start asking him to come over to your place from now on. He needs to start putting more effort in to keep you. You have other options. Remember that.

Answer

You’re overreacting and you started this entire thing.

Answer

Girl, just focus on your school work. Thats very important especially if you are failling.

Answer

Before anyone jumps the gun on me... I'm speaking from experience of being on both ends of this conversation. You can't change how you feel, if you feel like that, you feel that way. Your feelings are validated. HOWEVER (and I can only base this off of this conversation alone as I don’t know how you both are in your relationship) I think you are overreacting a little. It's not fair to ask if you can hang out with him then immediately after say "oh wait nevermind" then be like "I've changed my mind". I would be very confused by that too... there is a lack of communication here. What you both need to do is sit down together in person and discuss boundaries, priorities and availability. He should not be a reason you're falling behind on schoolwork, you cannot solely rely on each other 24/7, there needs to be some independency on both ends of the relationship. This next bit is probably more of a personal opinion but in my experience, having a partner should not be a "need" but more a want if that makes sense... you don't need anyone to "complete you" or be happy but rather want them in your life to grow and share life experiences together whilst having your own plans and goals to work towards too.

am i overreacting?

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