Mom and Husband

So my husband & I have been together for 8 years this October. He has always said my mom hasn’t been super warm with him, as far as like getting to know him. My husband can get along with anybody, he’s very smart, he’s lived in many different countries, and speaks 4 languages. He’s not dumb. If he thinks someone is being short with him, doesn’t like his background, he’s smart, I’d believe him. He’s not the type to make stuff up. He loves the idea of having an extended family. But some things happened recently where he’s completely done with my mom, and basically doesn’t want to deal with anyone from my moms side of the family because of her. We had our first child last month; his parents & my mom and granny were there with us. I guess my mom was just very cold and not talking to them and keeping to herself. And only talking to me. I know my mom can have a cold demeanor but to someone from the outside they could take offense to it. And my husband shouldn’t be on the outside anyway. I’m black by the way and my husband is Persian. So there’s cultural & language differences. Anyway my husband thinks my mom is racist against him and his parents and doesn’t want to deal with her anymore. He’s taking a stand. But now I’m in the middle. Crazy thing is my grandpa (he’s been in a coma for the past 2 years due to a car accident, I would love to have talked to him about this) is married to a white women and my mom was cold to her and my grandpa also was in the middle. Only talking to my mom on the phone when his wife was at work. At first I thought maybe grandpas wife was wrong in not liking my mom, but now it’s all making sense. My mom gets along with other races, her coworkers, friends etc, but maybe she doesn’t get along with them when they’re marrying into the family 🤔 I’ve expressed to my mom the situation and she’s confused. I asked her to apologize for how she made him feel. She got into victim mode like “what about how I feel” like you’re my mom BUT this is my husband. At least act like you care my goodness. This has caused a strain in my relationship with my mom because I kind of look at her different now, and the way she’s made my husband feels has pissed me off. This whole thing was causing arguments between my husband & I. I told her this. So she text him “I’m sorry my actions have been causing problems between the two of you” WHY DIDNT SHE SAY SORRY FOR CAUSING HIM HEARTACHE AND PAIN? Like I’m so irritated. So my husband and I have agreed not to talk about it anymore cause it was causing to much stress.

If my husband thinks my family is racist towards him, if he wants to divorce (he already said he would never) but I think the reason would absolutely be valid. So my mom should want what’s best for me (not to be a divorced single mother) and also for herself not to look like a racist in his eyes. I told her it’s not what you feel you did, but it’s what he as a person has experienced.

Anyway Mother’s Day is coming up and she wants me to come to San Diego with the baby for a Mother’s Day brunch with my grandma and sister as well. However I want to stay in my city and go out with my husband and baby. They’ve asked me twice to come out there and I keep saying no. They’re trying to guilt trip me “you only have 1 mom” blah blah blah. My husband & I waited a long time to have our baby and we want to celebrate together. Idk why they can’t understand this. I’m trying to say no as nice as possible but they keep pushing me. Anyway I just wanted to write this out and tell someone about my current life 🤯🥺😭