Please talk sense into me

I know even one time your husband or boyfriend hits you it should be over. But what if they aren’t like that all the time and are really loving and can show so much sexual desire for you. How can they not love you and share life with you and do nice things for you. A part of me wants to feel like he just had a really bad impression growing up of man and woman relationship. But then I think about the things he’s done to me and it breaks my heart. He can move on so quick and say things like it’s both of our fault. I’m just so hurt and want to get over. 14 years I feel like I’m done with now and who would want me. I feel so alone and just shameful maybe it was me