Anxiety

I think I am struggling.

I’ve been on and off anxiety meds my whole life. I took a break when I had my most recent child. I am 22mo pp. My goal was to try CBD and other alternatives such as counseling in lieu of meds. I finally feel a good weight, comfortable in my body and I don’t want to gain. I bought all new clothes.

I had my oldest sons birthday party today and had a full blown panic attack after. Life has been busy lately so I did alot last minute and did not put the intricate details that I usually do into it. Looking back at pictures everything just looks awful to me. Family says it’s ok but I feel like they’re just saying it to make me feel better. The tablecloths were different colors and uneven. The room the venue put our party in was horrid and dark. It looked empty and blah because I barely had any decor. The cake was even a fail 😕 Yes my son had fun - but I hold myself to a standard every year and this just wasn’t there. It doesn’t help another kiddo has pink eye, I am behind on work and my house is just piles of toys and laundry.

I’m just sitting here thinking over and over again about how today went and what I would do different. This seems to happen often for me with big family events/outings or confrontations.

I feel like s horrible mother for dropping the ball with the party and even more horrible for coming home and crashing instead of playing with my son and his new toys.

Im really considering going back on meds. Any suggestions for what ones cause least weight gain. That’s my biggest concern. Thank you if you read this all ❤️