Attraction?

I just want to know if this is normal and what peoples thoughts are.

If you’re with someone, and you love them, what do you do if you don’t want to sleep with them?

I thought it was my drive maybe, but ik it’s not. I’m capable of enjoying and wanting it but with him I don’t, and when we do I want it to be over and it makes me feel sick? Like I’ll cry or throw up? (Which has happened).

Not that he’s gross. He’s a cutie, and I love him dearly. He’s my best friend.

Every time I think about the future I worry because idk how I’ll have kids with him because I don’t want intimacy like that… with him.

We’ve talked about it, he thinks it’s something we can fix but I’ve tried.

When we first met he would flirt and try stuff a little bit but once we started dating he stopped. He’d get mad at me if I tried to initiate and would ignore me. Or when he wanted it it was fast, no foreplay/romance/affection and no aftercare and it hurt and was uncomfortable.

His excuse was he “wanted to get straight to the point”

“Had m*****bated a lot as a teen so it was kinda numb to him”

“It makes him feel dirty since my family is religious” (his dads been married 5 times and has a lot of children and siblings have been divorced and such so seemed like a weird excuse)

There was one day I wore lingerie and made dinner and brought it to him while he was playing on the computer and he shrugged me off his shoulders and got mad and shoved me away and ever since then, I’ve been disgusted at the thought of him touching me.

That’s been about 2 years ago now.

Known him for four years… and we’ve only done stuff maybe 27 times. Max. Almost all of those I wanted no part of.

I feel bad because I’ve had to talk to him about how I feel and stuff, but I don’t know what to do. If he would just hold me and we be how we are I’d be fine. But idk how well have kids, and I do want some physical aspect a part of my life while I’m kinda young.

I just need help. Advice. Something to help me understand this and what to do.

Maybe it’s silly.. idk.