Holidays are depressing

Holidays are so depressing for me now. I’m not looking forward to the next couple of months.

My family use to get together and have fun for the holidays. There would be 60 people in my great grandmas house and it was wonderful.

A few people passed away on my family over the past 10 years and everyone in the family stopped getting together for the holidays.

I am in my late 20s and I don’t have any kids. I live with my bf and we go to his moms house and then my moms house for thanksgiving and Christmas. But it’s so depressing.

Sometimes I wonder when I have kids if it’ll make the magic come back for the holidays.

Any advice ???