Does helping people make you feel better

Question

Last month I gave birth to a stillborn baby. I'm still dealing with those emotions. I'm extremely depressed. My husband has been there for me and I don't know what I would do without him. This was gonna be our first kid. I was so excited. And now it was ripped away from me. I am a physician and I own my own office. My husband is a house husband. All he ever wanted to do in life was make a difference so I work and he takes care of the house and does charity work, like giving bags to foster kids, helping at food bank. Buying tampons and pads and handing them out to homeless women. Helping homeless LGBT youth. He does a lot and it makes him happy. I've taken some time off from work and my husband has been home with me. He told me today that Friday he's gonna be volunteering at this emergency center to give parents in need food and stuff for their kids. For him helping people takes his mind off of things. I've been thinking about going but idk if helping will make me feel better or make me depressed that I don't have my baby. Does helping people make you feel better?

Answer

First, I am sorry for your loss. I know how you're feeling - I was there almost exactly one year ago. It's devastating. 
People grieve, and process, so differently that it's hard to say if helping others, or helping others in the same way your husband does, will help you as well. Men process very differently than women do as well. When we lost our daughter, the nurse told us to expect that he will be sad probably before I was, and then he would seem like he was doing well and moving on while I was starting to deal with emotions. And she was right. It helped to know that we were different people doing what we both needed to do to move forward (not on, just forward).
For him, he threw himself into projects. Things he could do with his hands that, when he was done, he could show something for the work. Like to replace the baby he couldn't show to the world. For me, I found my grief was helped by helping others anonymously like on here and through reddit helping others with loss or fertility questions. 
You can give it a try, and if you find it helps, keep doing it. If you find it's hurting, it's ok to step back and reassess where you're at and what you think could help you find the path to normalcy again. It's not a race, it's just forward momentum, every day.

Answer

im so sorry, praying for your strength and comfort and rainbow baby eventually 💗💗

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Absolutely it does. Volunteering is like a makeover for the soul. You change your prospective on life. It makes your problems not seem so big. It makes you grateful and appreciative that you don’t have to deal with what they do. It shifts your focus from yourself to others instead of. And go from why me to it can always be worse and grateful that it isn’t worse. Reading to the blind, habitat for humanity for people who lost their homes to disasters, feeding the homeless at a soup kitchen pet animal rescue. Getting an emotional support animal sometimes helps too. I’ve had 2 miscarriages myself in 2014 and 2015 at 4.5 and 2.5 months along. At the same time I had to plan my best friend at the time baby shower. She didn’t know I was pregnant yet alone at a loss. No one knew but the piece of crap. That was the worst but we ended up bonding when she lost one of the triplets a week after birth…..Time. Therapy. Medication if you need it. Bereavement groups. Being surrounded by those that have been there and understand where you are coming from. A lot of times it can make or break a relationship. Men often can’t grasp the severity of it. Why you can’t just get over it or let it go or stop talking about it etc. the best thing I did was write a letter to my daughter telling her everything I had on my heart. Apologizing. All my wishes and hopes and dreams and just got it all off my chest and found my own closure. I dealt with them alone because I picked a piece of crap. Exercising it’s a natural antidepressant. Your husbands life feels fulfilled. It give him purpose volunteering. It renews his spirits. Absolutely it makes you feel good and better and realize it can always be worse. You shift your mentality and prospective. I often recommend it to heart broken women from relationships. To keep themselves busy. Enrich their lives. Taking up hobbies. Learn a language. Etc. take it one day at a time. Give yourself grace and space. We all have good and bad days. Remember that you can’t pour from an empty cup. You need to take care of yourself. And do things that make you feel better, beautiful and cared for. Self care. Rest days. Etc. one day at a time.

Answer

I’m so sorry for your loss hun.
I’m a fireman and yes, being able to help people makes me feel good. I’ve always loved helping others whenever I can.

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I’m so sorry for your loss 💔 
for me personally after a traumatic loss (my sister died), making an effort to be kind has brought me in return happiness. I was a *itch in my early 20s, I’ll admit that. Life has humbled me

Answer

You should go, give it a try

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I am so beyond sorry for your loss. I’ve never personally experienced that, but I will say when I’m going through something, staying busy really does help me. I think it would be a good idea

Answer

I think it would be a great idea!

Does helping people make you feel better

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