Not coming to this baby shower either

So in 2020 when I had my daughter my first, I had a “friend” who was throwing a baby shower for me. It was going to be a social distanced shower and outside. She never sent out any invites. Not a single response one. So we thought no one wanted to come so we canceled it. She wouldn’t pick up her phone or answer texts for an entire weekend. Then that Monday she mailed them out and I know this because them were posted marked that day. She blames me for canceling the shower. This was also all a month after my brother died suddenly. We’re no longer friends.

So my church at the time threw a shower for me and the pastor’s wife (her 4th). The pastor’s wife bowed out of the shower because she said she didn’t need one and she wanted something positive for me. Come to find out the people throwing the shower still planned it as a shower for both of us and I didn’t find out till I arrived and everything was decorated as such. It was really awkward. I felt like a burden and selfish.

My stepmom wouldn’t come to that shower. She even have my dad come over the week before it and try to talk to my husband and I out of attending it. My step mom was in hysterics, and she said that I was gonna get sick and I was going to harm the baby. She never said that she wasn’t coming or that she was so we didn’t find out until she just didn’t show up.

I’m pregnant again now with our second child and a friend of mine wants to throw me a baby shower. So I told my parents about it and my stepmom won’t come. My parents don’t want to know the gender of the baby. They want it to be a surprise to them. They think poorly of us for finding out before the birth because it ruins the surprise and it makes you not work as hard to deliver the baby because you already know what you’re having. Says my stepmom.

So since the shower will be gender specific she’s not coming. I was annoyed by them not wanting to know the sex of the baby because we’ve had to walk on eggshells to honor their wishes. Now it hurts and pisses me off that she’s going to this extreme. Frankly I feel like they don’t care. I don’t know. I feel some way that I can’t describe.