If you want to break up...

... It doesn't matter if your feelings are "valid" or "invalid"

I had to learn this the hard way so I'm sharing a life lesson here.

Sometimes it doesn't matter if your feelings are valid or not. This counts for several things, such as, breaking up with a person or pulling your assets from a relationship.

I begged my partner - never husband or wife - for over 5 years that I wanted him to be sensible with MY money before I realized that he didn't have a say over it. If I wanted to pull my assets from that relationship, that would have always been my choice. He didn't have a say over it and of course he would consider my cries invalid, he was taking advantage of me. But that doesn't matter, I should have been able to pull my assets back the second I felt uncomfortable with his spending and I didn't because on one side I didn't trust my own judgment and on the other side I was wanting his approval. I realized only after 7 years in this relationship that I never needed his approval.

I was scared he wouldn't love or respect me if I pulled my assets, because he clearly didn't agree to it, but if that would be the case (and in our situation, it was) then he never loved or respected me either way. "Needing and using" is never thesame as "love and respect" .

When it comes to leaving a partner, I always had this issue. I wanted people to validate wether I was allowed to leave a partner or not, including said partner. But in the end it doesn't matter. If a relationship doesn't feel right, you shouldn't have to continue with that relationship. Nobody can make that choice for you, especially not your partner. Because even if your partner is in that same relationship with you, he isn't in your shoes and doesn't feel your feelings. Especially when you're in a relationship where you're taken advantage of, ofcourse they aren't going to "approve" on you cutting off their supply of whatever they're using from you.

In my situation it wasn't just finances, but I was also taking care of his 3 kids and absolutely sacrificing all my time for him and his kids.