Recently seperated

I moved out (finally) and my ex didn't agree. I feel like he's doing everything to get me back and it's not going well on him.

I sacrificed a lot during our relationship, everything I ever wanted to do was always pushed to the side. Even if he promised me to do something, he'd still change up last minute.

I also sacrificed my entire paycheck "to the family" so I never had the finances to do the things I wanted to do. He also controlled my time. If I had something planned, he'd plan something over it that was "more important" or I'd need to justify why I was doing it, and then he'd decide he'd tag along and then he'd be complaining about literally everything or something would come up to make it impossible..

So now we're seperated and I tend to plan things for myself in my weekend. Now yesterday I was going to go horseback riding at the place I used to ride when I was a kid, He bought me a gift card from the place last year for my birthday, when literally I asked for him to plan a day that I would like because that's the only thing I asked for for years, including constantly reminding him of things I like.. We ever only do things he want to do, so instead of taking me riding, he bought me a gift check, we visited, he complained about everything and said we couldn't ride because he didn't arrange childcare guided me to the gift shop (I didn't buy anything, to his dismay) and then we went home. on our way home he said that he wasn't driving to that place ever again, because it's far, and that it would be wrong of me to come by myself because it takes too long and I shouldn't be away from my family that long, that would be absolutely selfish of me.

So back to: I planned this for yesterday and I had told him.

Friday I ended up at his place due to some freak misschedule thing that happened during the pickup of our kid. I was supposed to go to our friends' place and he was dropping me off but then they only let me know they forgot when I was already in his car. So I ended up staying with the kids for a movie (our kid and his 3 kids that I have been a stepmom for for 10 years and I absolutely still adore) So in the middle of the movie, he turns to his 11yo equestrian son and goes "Would you like to go riding in a western ranch?" (This isn't common in our area, but it's where I rode when I was a kid) I do feel like.. he should have asked me BEFORE asking his son.. and apparently he had been thinking about it, (this only strikes me NOW) because he already checked the day before to cancel his lesson at his regular barn.

Long story short, he took us riding, brought our joint son. I paid with the gift card for everything. His behavior wasn't too bad.. he tried to throw in my face that he was doing me a favor for driving.. I had arranged transportation, I'm fine, I'm an adult, I can manage myself. He called my nail polish ugly, he called me fat and insecure, when he was aggressive on the road, he said that nothing will ever be good enough for me.. because he was aggressive to defend someone 🙄. Like.. you have me and kids in your car that you have a responsibility to. Don't be aggressive to other people in cars. Cars are weapons.

Noww my stepson LOVED it.. a lot. So now my ex is planning for US to go every other week and to cancel his son's subscription to his other barn in his weeks.

So now I'm sitting here feeling set up because my ex still wants to spend time with me at every turn of the road.

I don't know how to keep healthy boundaries with him without rejecting the (especially his) kids..

Also, he asked me to stay the night in my weekends, on Fridaynight and mondaynight. (he has my kid Friday-Tuesday, 2 of his kids Friday-Tuesday and his eldest Friday-Friday) So he could work more now that nobody is helping him with bills. So he wants me to be there Friday evening to Saturday evening (including the barn visit) and wants me to be back on Mondays.. That is practically my entire weekend...

I will be declining, but he's going to be super mad at me because he feels it's my fault that nobody is helping him with bills.. Like.. I'm paying my own rent and my own bills all of them higher than his' and his paycheck is higher than mine, and I still have room to give him 300€ every month as a "resignation fee" (only the first 3 months) so he has time to get on his feet.

@all

The point is obviously that this way I still am able to maintain a connection with my stepkids whom I've cared for for 10 years.

My kid is obviously my kid and we have time to do things together.. My stepkids, not so much, while I still love them and as long as they need/want a relationship with me I want to be there for them.