How can I not hate my partner?

Question

Last year my partner & I experienced a MC very early on. This time we’re pregnant again and he has not gone with me to any appointments or ER visits. I’ve been high risk with this pregnancy and today finally his day off I been bleeding since last night I mean a lot, only when I use the restroom.. I tell him yesterday I will be going to ER tomorrow morning he doesn’t say anything. This morning he wakes up and off to the gym, while I’m here at the ER nervous & alone.
All I get is a text “hey babe let me know what they say” I can’t help but grow hatred towards him. 
I have an upcoming appointment with a specialist in two weeks, I mentioned this to him and nothing. 
In total I’ve had 10 appointments including with ER visits and not one has he came too.
Idk how this is going to go because I’m currently sitting waiting for results..
I text him “do you ever plan on coming to any appointments or er visits with me? Or am I going to be doing this all alone”
He text me “yes I do, don’t start. You got to get your numbers checked don’t try to guilt trip me”

Answer

My husband came to the egg retrieval and transfer and the anatomy scan. That was it. He didn't get time off, so we would have just been burning up vacation days before baby came when he wanted to spend time with baby (no paternity leave). Tell him you need him to come. Don't just message him while you're there.

Answer

My husband didnt come to many of my appts including once I went to the ER for bleeding. But if I asked him he did. I dont think it's effective to say nothing and then ask a snippy type question during/after the fact. Better to just communicate what you need and ask him to go with you. Also he may have his guard up due to the last miscarriage. Talk to him.

Answer

Ask him to go to appts with the you ahead of time. Also tell him you would appreciate if he went with you when you went to the e.r.

Answer

I’m sorry. You should talk to him. He might not understand what you need or he might also be guarded after the miscarriage. Either way, he needs to know you need the support. My husband came to all the ultrasound appointments - this time around (2nd pregnancy) he asked if he was really needed at one of them. I told him yes - while I would be most happy if he felt connected to baby and happy to see the ultrasound, at a minimum I needed him there for support. What if we got bad news? Would I hear the doctor correctly? Would I ask the right questions? Even if he wasn’t excited about seeing baby, I needed him there for the “just in case” moment. That helped him to understand and made him realize there was a “role” for him at these appointments too. Guys don’t always connect with babies while they’re in the womb, but they’re still important in the pregnancy process!

Answer

I think you just need to communicate with him in a clear and positive way. My hubby goes to the ultrasounds and will probably be going with me to my visit with the high risk doctor (just because he wan to hear what they say) but that’s it. There’s not a lot of point in him taking off work to go to regular check ups with me, if that makes sense.

Answer

My husband has gone to only the very first appointment and maybe one ultrasound. Same for all 3 of my pregnancies. I had an ER trip also but I told him to stay at work because if something was wrong I’d let him know. I see no sense in having him take time from work as well as myself unless it’s detrimental. Now if you’ve communicated this to him prior to and he still won’t go then I can see the frustration. I think letting him know how you feel would be more beneficial before snipping at him but I hope you guys can work things out!

How can I not hate my partner?

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