How did you know your marriage was over?

Question

Those who have been divorced or separated how did you know when to throw up the white flag? 🏳️
Specifically in a marriage without abuse or infidelity?

Answer

I can tell you when I decided divorce was NOT an option. I kept thinking we should separate, but then I felt really uneasy about it and I knew I would be devastated. I was going to counseling and trying to figure out what to do, and then one day it just hit me. Are the things that are causing issues really deal breakers? Were they worse than living without him would be? I decided they weren’t because I really did love him, and I couldn’t imagine being with anyone else. So I totally humbled myself and just stopped fighting with him about all the stuff that I thought was wrong with our marriage. I stopped expecting perfection and realized marriage was going to have ups and downs. I decided if he never changed (because people don’t ever really change) that I loved him enough just how he was. Once I did that everything just started to work out. Once I took divorce out of my vocabulary (he never considered it an option) and we both knew we were in for the long haul, things got easier. I 100% know abuse and cheating will never happen, so now there’s nothing that I think will ever be too big to get past. We our open and honest about everything with each other, we’re each others number one supporter, we make time for each other and we never undermine the other as far as parenting or anything else. We work together instead of against each other and talk about issues that come up. When we argue or fight we just let it go when we’re past that super annoyed, angry time. If we have a big argument we’ll even apologize, but normally it isn’t necessary because arguing is part of life. The most important thing I think is we make our sex life a priority. We never let that get pushed aside because we’re tired or stressed or whatever and that makes things so much better. It makes us flirt and joke more, and I think even helps us communicate with each other better because there’s a trust and intimacy that we have together. 
If you don’t think you can have those things with your partner, then that’s when I would consider it. If you can’t see yourself staying with the person how they are right now, if things never changed on their end, even if you changed your approach to the relationship then that’s when you should say it’s probably over. But if the issues are smaller than your desire to start your life over, I think you should work on things. Especially if you have a family already. Something brought you together and made you want to marry this person, there’s got to be something there that made this relationship get to that point, so it’s probably worth fighting for, at least a little bit. This is of course considering there’s no MAJOR issues, I know you said no abuse or cheating, but are you on the same page as far as family, roles in the relationship, are there issues with extended family or careers, where you guys want to live, etc? Are you compatible sexually? Some things are major deal breakers, but if it’s little things and there is still love and respect between you both, don’t give up. So many people give up before they should and I’ve seen marriages end that I thought were so sad because I know they could have gotten past things if one or both gave in just a little and stopped the unnecessary fighting. They get divorced and neither one is any happier with the life they have now. It kills me every time I see it happen. Or I’ve seen other people get in their heads, like my one friend whose Mom is a total man hater, has been divorced for a million years. She always dogged this girls husband to her and never gave the guy a chance and that killed their marriage. She lost a good guy, broke up a family ( they had a two year old son) and had to start all over because her Mom convinced her of issues that weren’t there, or weren’t that big of a deal. So if something like that is why you’re considering it, reconsider. Only you will know what the best choice is. You are the only that has to live your life. Make your decision based on what’s going to give you the best life. You are the one that needs to be happy. Hope I was able to offer a little help, and maybe a different perspective. I know how hard of a place that is to be in, I hope things work out for you in the way that gives you the best life. Good luck 💛

Answer

When I started questioning myself and if I should file for a divorce I knew my marriage was over

How did you know your marriage was over?

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