Do I owe him an apology?

Question

I've been with my boyfriend for almost a year and I'm so in love with him. He has a friend who recently moved back to town and they used to be close until he moved away and now he wants to hang out with him more. But this friend he has it turns out I have history with. I went to school with him 3rd grade through 8th grade. When I saw him he said nothing to me. He wasn't rude but he didn't really talk much and when he did it was only to my boyfriend. When we went to school together I wasn't very nice to him. I had issues going on at home. I was being sexually abused by my step dad. My biological dad had died. So I took it out on him. He wears a hearing aid and glasses and when we were kids I would steal his hearing aid. I broke it and I would break his glasses. I convinced my friends to be mean to him and the school never did anything to stop me. I was really awful to him from 3rd to 8th grade. 8th grade me and him got into a physical fight because I took his phone and was reading his text to my friends and he tried to take his phone back. I pushed him. He pushed me back. We got physical and then he started to fully hit me. I couldn't get him off me because he would not stop hitting me until I bleed. I'm not saying I didn't deserve it and it was the last time I picked on him but we have history. I just am scared he's gonna tell my boyfriend even though I was just a kid. Do I apologize? Say nothing? Tell my bf I'm uncomfortable with the friendship? I don't want to lose him and I don't want his friend to say how horrible I was and seeing him now I do feel really bad for how shitty I was

Answer

you should be honest with your boyfriend. it’s going to come out eventually that you bullied his friend relentlessly. and you definitely should not try to stop him from seeing his friend just to avoid him finding out what you did. It would be nice of you to apologize, I’ve apologized to people I used to know for much less lmao it’s not hard

Answer

You absolutely owe him an apology, and he should have nothing to do with you. You were old enough to know what you were doing was wrong. It honestly doesn’t even seem like you feel bad you did it, you just don’t want your bf to find out what you did. There’s nothing that gives you the right to hurt someone

Answer

Ok. So that is a lot too unpack. 
First, I think it takes courage to admit your behaviour here. I'm sure that was hard to do. 
Second. I think you need to be clear on what you actually did. You were not mean to him. And you did not bully him. These terms minimise what you happened. 
You harassed, assaulted, verbally/psychologically/emotionally abused, and destroyed private property. These are Crimes. 
Yes. You being sexually asulted is truly horrible. I am sorry that this happened to you. It should not have & I hope you are receiving counselling to help heal the trauma. 
However, your trauma does not mitigate his. In this time period you were the abuser to someone else. The crimes you committed caused trauma to him that will have shaped and impacted his life. Not only at the time but into adulthood. 
Your trauma dose not allow grace for you to commit crimes against another. It sheds light on your mental and emotional state at that time nothing more and nothing less. As does your age.
You need to shift your current focus from: keeping your boyfriends love & affection, hiding your past crimes, trying to control your boyfriends time & interactions with his friends, trying to emotionally manipulate your boyfriend to control his interactions in order to avoid taking accountability. 
You need to focus on: recognising that you committed crimes, recognising that you were an abuser, recognising that created trauma to another person, you need to acknowledge to yourself the lasting emotional and psychological toll & impact that you did.
Then you need to take accountability for all of the above.
This looks  like acknowledging out loud separately to both the man you abused and your boyfriend. It means you apologise without offering excuses. It means that you understand if either or both may choose not to associate with you. 
Please talk to a counsellor about your past and current behaviour. Control and manipulation are toxic traits in any relationship. 
The fact that you asked about trying to control interactions instead of going to remose and accountability is concerning. 
It highlights your need for self reflection, healing and growth. 
Best of luck

Answer

You should apologize because you're actually sorry. You should also be honest with your boyfriend.

Answer

Having a traumatic childhood is not an excuse to terrorize others. You do not have a right to tell your boyfriend you’re uncomfortable with the friendship. You’re uncomfortable about your boyfriend finding out what you did. You were old enough to know what you were doing was wrong. You need to seek therapy and work through your trauma. You can apologize if you truly mean it but he doesn’t have to accept your apology. It sounds like you are more concerned with damage control than anything else.

Answer

So instead of trying to be a mature adult and making things right the right way, you’re going to continue to be a piece of shit and tell your boyfriend you’re uncomfortable with the friendship and potentially ruin a good friendship because you’d rather avoid your boyfriend seeing that you were a terrible kid?
You have some kind of nerve when he hasn’t even said anything and has been polite to you despite your past. 
You’re GROSS. 
I hope his friend tells him he’s uncomfortable with you first

Answer

Is your motive to make ammends, or is this just a tactic to do damage control and keep your boyfriend? If your boyfriend broke up with you tomorrow, would you still reach out to his friend to apologize?

Answer

I hope he tells your bf and he leaves u. you aren’t sorry, you don’t regret what you did, you just care about getting caught instead of doing what’s right.

Answer

If you’re truly sorry yes you should apologize and you should tell your boyfriend because it may come out and he should hear it from you.

Answer

You were a bully. 
Be honest to your boyfriend and apologize to him for treating him like trash. 
You were literally 13-14. You weren’t just a kid. 
That’s really messed up.

Do I owe him an apology?

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