To make an extremely complicated story short, at 62 my mother was diagnosed with dementia.

She lives in my home. She does not work, or drive, she lost all of her retirement to a scam (compounded with a life of terrible financial decisions) and her only income is $1100 monthly social security that goes into a joint account, I use the money monthly for household expenses and bills it doesn’t cover her share of the bills/groceries/meds etc, but I do what I can with it and I supplement whatever else she needs with my income. Including bringing her on vacation, paying for any and everything she does with my husband, children and I. This information is relevant to my current dilemma.

My mom has the friend. This friend is actually younger than me by a few years. They met working at a grocery store about a decade ago, when my mom was working they would take weekend trips to wineries and other places.

My mom has always been very good as masking whatever situation she was in. This includes her mental deterioration. If you met her today and had a conversation with her, you would have zero clue she has dementia. In reality, she doesn’t know what year it is, she doesn’t know anything about her financial situation, she doesn’t shower or brush her teeth without prompting, she doesn’t cook her own meals, she doesn’t know what meds she’s on let alone remember to take them, she gets confused pushing a cart at the grocery store.

Her friend is in denial about the severity of her condition. My husband and I are the ones in the trenches dealing with it, making sure she eats, and takes her meds and goes to the doctor. Other friends my mom has had for decades have confided in me that this one friend is a bad seed. She has a reputation at the store they’ve all worked at for causing drama, and in the past she has said bad things about me to my mother leading to her getting confused, upset, and thinking I’m somehow doing something wrong to her, stealing from her. (She has literally nothing to steal, through her own bad life decisions)

I’m to the point where I’ve blocked said friend on social media, and from texting my mom’s phone (that I pay for). But she’s finding ways to contact her. Asking her to go out.

The last messages were my mom telling her that I can’t tell her who she can be friends with and then making plans to go out later this week. My mom has zero access to money, so I’m not sure how she thinks she’s going out unless it’s her friend’s treat.

This situation is stressful for a million reasons, I’m 4 months pregnant with twins, I have 2 very busy older kids, I work full time, I make sure everyone has everything they need and want, I run the entire house, and this friend who sees my mother 2-4 times a year does nothing but make the situation more difficult.

I’ve told her to stay out of my mother’s business. My mother’s finances aren’t her business. She knows the diagnosis and prognosis, just because my mom can sit through a meal and make small talk doesn’t mean she’s a fully independent functioning adult. She won’t be traveling with her, her only vacations will be what she comes in with me.

I don’t know what else to do with this woman. But at this point she’s making things difficult and I wish she would go away. Any suggestions?

Edit to answer questions…

She’s contacting her via Facebook messenger, I had blocked her, but apparently my mom figured out how to unblock? Or the block doesn’t block messages? Unclear.