Forgiving a family member

To make a long story short, I have chosen to forgive a family member of mine after she dated my abuser and told him where I was so I was beat so badly I was put in the hospital. It’s been 10 years now and I’m forgiving her because it’s more for me than it is for her. I want to be able to go to family events and most of the time I can’t just because she’s going and she likes to cause a scene. My dads bday is coming up and she will be there and I really want to go so after many talks with my therapist I have decided to forgive her so I can allow myself to join in the family functions again.

The only thing is that I want to have a serious conversation with her alone so we truly can move past everything. Here’s the problem… I don’t live in the same town at her. In fact, I will be getting on a 9 hour flight just for this party. My flight lands the night before the party. So I don’t really have a lot of face time availability to talk to her before the party. Preferably, I’d like to talk to her BEFORE the party so she won’t cause a scene and also face to face like grown ups.. duh. But I don’t think I’ll have the time to meet up with her before the party so I’m thinking about just texting/calling her instead. My fiance says that I should just have that conversation at the party but he doesn’t know her like I do. She causes a HUGE scene. Like the last time I saw her she started throwing plates with cake slices on them yelling that it was my fault I wouldn’t forgive her.

I know that forgiving her isn’t what a lot of people would do. But again… it’s not for her. It’s for me. I don’t plan to have a relationship with her again and I don’t even want to be friendly. I just want to be able to be in the same room as her without a whole scene being caused.

Is texting/calling her not okay? Should this conversation be done face to face or is it ok to do it over the phone?