Struggling today

I had a miscarriage at the beginning of December 2024 (so about 14 weeks ago).

It was pretty bloody and rough miscarriage at 12 weeks. I hemorrhaged pretty badly twice and had to be rushed to the hospital in an ambulance both times. I ended up having to have a D&C after the second hemorrhage because they could not get the bleeding to stop and I still had pregnancy left inside me. I also had problems with my doctor. She was supposed to be a high risk doctor and never even saw me any of the 12 weeks I was pregnant. I had a rough pregnancy before this one where I hemorrhaged 5 times during the pregnancy and ended up having an emergency Csection at 26 weeks. (Thank God that baby boy is doing well and is 6 years old now). During my first pregnancy I needed progesterone. During the second pregnancy in which I miscarried at 12 weeks the NP refused to give me progesterone. I have fibroids, cysts on my ovaries, endometriosis, and possibly PCOS and who knows what else.

I thought I was feeling better and dealing with it well. But I had to go for a follow up this week to see if everything finally cleared out of uterus, be tested for PCOS, check my fibroids, and see what the next steps for me would be.

I have been struggling since the appointment on Thursday because my fibroids have more then doubled in size so I have to seek another specialist because my doctor said I shouldn’t have another myomectomy if I want to try for another baby again. One good news is my uterus is finally cleaned out.

I am totally happy for my friends and family but I’m getting so upset because my good friend just delivered her baby, and two of my cousins just announced they are pregnant. Now I’m crying on and off and just feel like shit about my broken body.

How do you ground yourself and bring your mood back up? I am over the moon for all of them but it’s like my body and mind just keep on saying I’m a worthless piece of garbage and I’m broken and that i won’t ever have another baby because I can’t hold them in full term and I’m too old. (I am turning 37 in Aug)

What type of grounding techniques or other things do you do to bring your spirits back up and push away the negative intrusive thoughts?