Abuse.

My last relationship which was 3 years ago was absolutely terrible. He was very abusive, emotionally, & physically. He almost killed me several times. We also have 2 children together. It was like I was living in pure hell. Why is it that I crave another abusive relationship? It’s like when someone treats me right it doesn’t feel right to me.. this sounds absolutely crazy because I know it’s wrong & I know I deserve more than that. I hope someone can give me advice on why I feel this way?