Partner doesn’t want to help housework

I (23f) and my boyfriend (28m) are not on great terms right now. I am pregnant (30weeks) and a student and we split rent and bills 50/50 (1,700 pcm + 130 bills). Earlier in the year my boyfriend lost his job and found another but it didn’t pay as well, so money is tighter than usual however he plans to find another in the meantime.

The problem is that now I’m on maternity leave, I’m at home more and took it upon myself to do the dishes before bed and maintain a spotless kitchen, bathroom and home especially because he works full time and it helps my mental health. For weeks now he has not had to really wash any thing. The house still has a lot of sorting out to do (building cot and organising) but he is in no rush to do it despite me raising alarm bells so i figured if the house is clean when he’s off he can focus completely on these tasks and I communicated this and he said okay, he still hasn’t touched any of it stating that it’s too early and he doesn’t want things collecting dust. I disputed this but to no avail.

Our house rule is that whoever cooked, the other must clean but it always tends to be me cleaning and cooking because rather than clean the dishes and wipe the countertops before relaxing on the couch, he will claim that he’s too full and he’ll do it later but ends up going to bed and doesn’t clean the dishes until two days later or when I ask him. I’ve done everything to let him know how this makes me feel as I mostly end up washing them when I cook the next day and the cycle continues. I cooked the day before yesterday and he said that he would wash the dishes but didn’t. This week was a bit rough for me so I haven’t been as energetic and on top of that I have been revising for my exams. So yesterday when he came back from work, I asked him if he could follow my recipe and make dinner last night. Despite moaning he did it anyway and I asked him are you going to wash the dishes. He said later but quickly backtracked and called up our rule. I replied that i have been cooking and cleaning for weeks so the rule this time goes out the window and he reluctantly said he’d do it tomorrow because he just finished work. I said okay no worries and thank you for making dinner.

He washed the half of the dishes at midday as he was off and left the cutlery and utensils and the frying pan in the sink. And when I asked him when he was going to clean it he said he couldn’t focus due to his adhd and that he needed a 5 min break. After his break (longer than 5) he went to finish the rest but left the frying pan on the stove. I didn’t realise and he asked if I could make him pancakes but even though I didn’t feel well I got up to make them. When i went in the kitchen, I saw the pan was dirty and I asked him to clean it. He said no and that it’s not that deep it’s one pan and that I should stop criticising him. I washed the pan and made the pancakes and let him know that I did not appreciate having to wash the pan as it’s not fair as he should be checking if he has washed all the dishes that are dirty not some. He said okay.

Following on, my exam in two days, but after making the pancakes i felt even worse so went to bed and started revising around 6pm when he went to the gym. He comes back at 9 hangry and makes food for himself but because I didn’t like what he was making I asked if he could boil me some pasta for tuna pasta mayo since he’s up. He says that he’s doing something (making food) so no and that I was supposed to cook for him (which has happened more regularly since starting maternity leave so i think he has gotten way too used to it) but because I didn’t he is hungry so he’ll do it later. I responded saying that he was already up and in the kitchen. He turns around and says that I haven’t done anything all day except be in bed (I made him pancakes in the morning) and that I could have made him food. I responded what is this behaviour I’m not your slave to be cooking and cleaning all the time but fine ill make it myself. Whilst he was making his food, I got up from studying and put the pasta on the stove and went back until it was done and ate. When I was done studying at around 1 am, I washed all the dishes including the ones I made pancakes with, he used to cook with and eat with and cleaned the kitchen (30 mins) and went to bed as my back was killing me.

He decided to sleep on the couch and I didn’t say anything. I’ve gotten to a point where I am so tired of him that, I don’t really care to argue anymore. This pregnancy was unplanned (I was on birth control) and will be my last because it came early and he made me feel quite guilty in wanting terminate the pregnancy as I wasn’t ready despite him claiming it was my choice. But with the way he behaves throughout the pregnancy, I can’t help but feel like I’ve made a massive mistake in keeping the baby or even being with him considering how I have to nag him all the time to set good cleaning habits so it’s easier for us postpartum and about how uninvolved he is with baby learning or setting up. I’ve asked him to do more considering the fact the he really wanted this child but it’s like having another child who expects me to be his maid and chef which was not the case before as I ran a tight ship. What should I do going forward?