Abusive husband

The other day me and my husband got into a heated argument and he rushed me slammed me down and started choking me. I may have said some disrespectful things to him in our argument and he snapped. He sprained my big toe and had me in pain for about 5 days with a sore back and throat . He said he was sorry and he blames the medication he’s taking (steroids) . In the past ..he was very abusive towards me. So it brought back horrible flashbacks from him physically attacking me before . I gave in and let him back. He said he would never do that and he doesn’t want to loose me. Today he pushed me on our bed. He was standing over me putting his hands in my face telling me to shut the fuck up and when I got up to walk out he pushed me down . He said sorry for that and then proceeded to tell me how to be a respectful wife towards him because he attacks me because of my mouth and that I’m disrespectful. My toe is entirely swollen and in pain all day. He sarcastically said do I want him to come over and rub my big toe and go to sleep because I don’t have sex with him and that’s what he needs from me. More attention from me. At this point I’m very depressed and feel like I’m going crazy. Why is this happening to me ☹️