Strapping

My wife and I have always just done finger stuff, she told me she wouldn’t be comfortable strapping me because of her trauma with men, so I never ever pushed on the subject but I’m craving being strapped so so bad and I feel like a terrible person for wanting something that she’s not really into. She loves oral but it’s hard for me to cum through clit stimulation and doesn’t always feel good, but I love fingering and strapping I tend to get off more that way. How do I make these thoughts go away 😞 am I terrible for craving something more than fingers from her?