Confused?¿ Sex issues

Question

Something that I have never understood……
I have been married for 4 almost 5 years now. Every time my husband wants to have sex we do. For some reason every time I want to he gets bothered. Even if I don’t ask for it but I try to start it. He says he feels like he’s being bothered or harassed. I’m just confused, and he doesn’t give any further explanation. I know he doesn’t have to if he doesn’t want to, but Im just a little confused as to why it’s only a issue if I try to……. Has anyone else experienced this? Am I doing something wrong? He makes me feel guilty for asking….

Answer

When you’re not trying to be intimate, ask him why you guys only have sex on his terms. I know some guys say they like to be the one to initiate and that women initiating turns them off (it’s stupid but I know there are some men like this. I remember a woman posting on here a while back about her husband being like that). Or maybe he doesn’t like the way you initiate. Or maybe he feels it’s a bad time. But you need to talk to him.

Answer

It’s an expectations thing. You guys need to have a chat about it, ask him what you could do that might turn him on when initiating. Or even a way that you can both signal each other that you want sex so that he can take that cue, there are different styles of initiation that perhaps he would respond better to. Women have desire too and you should have every right to ask for what you want and pursue it. I completely get why you feel confused and frustrated.

Answer

Does he have other areas in your relationship where he is controlling or a my way or the highway type? If yes then this is probably an extension of that and Im not sure you can change that without couples counseling (if hes even willing to change that...most arent). If not then maybe he has a past trauma and this is triggering him, or maybe he would prefer a different method of initiating....I think more specific communication would be good in that case.

Confused?¿ Sex issues

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