Not baby related but I need some advice and help for my Granny!

Ok so my dad is her decision maker but my cousin is helping us with medical stuff because he has lots of experience with medicine. He's not a nurse or anything but has looked after tonnes of people and like helped them with medical appointments.

My Granny is in a delirium and has all these premorbed conditions but we don't want to put her on hospice or palliative care because she deserves to live. We made her a full code so she'd get better care but it didn't help..she's still dying.

Her nursing home just wants us to give up on her and is pushing us to give her morphine or whatever. They refuse to do IVs and say they can't do them. My cousin says that's a sign that the nursing home is incompetent because any nurse should be able to start an IV.

She is screaming all the time. The nursing home says it's pain but when you ask her, she says she's not in pain. My cousin can get her to eat but when he's not there, they don't feed her and tell us she refuses. You have to sit there and take time to feed her though. Like it took me over 40 minutes to get her to eat a thing of jello but she did it.

My dad is like it's her time and we need to let her go but then my cousin is like she's screaming because she's starving.

I don't know what to think but we don't want hospice or palliative care. I know when people start morphine they die. I don't want that. She keeps going back and forth to hospital but they keep saying that she's dying and we're like YES HELP HER but they won't do anything either.

So I guess like what do you do? I feel like we're giving up.

@Jane the dietician is doing stuff like Ensure and Bemeprotein but she won't eat or drink unless my cousin feeds her. The problem is that the nursing home only asks her three times and then says she refuses. You gave to kind of force her to eat. We're thinking of a feeding tube and trying to look into that but my Granny told my dad she never wanted one and we can't change his mind. So the nursing home keeps telling us this is normal too and it's not. We had someone test her eating and they wanted to put her on puree too and we said no way. That's disgusting. So the nursing home only offers her puree but we bring good food from home like bread and she eats just fine.

Ok but I think you guys are missing the point. If she's dying she's dying but wouldn't you rather die knowing that everything was fine than just give up? I don't want to give you on her.

And for the CPR: we're not asking them to break her ribs. We made her a full code.