Starting to sink in

I've had 2 previous Cesareans and I shouldn't be bothered by it but I am. I really wanted to have a vbac but was told itd never happen for me. There aren't midwifes in my area and the hospital doesn't allow them anyways so I'm stuck getting another csection. I'm terrified of the process even though I know what's coming. I feel like a failure because I can't deliver natural. I know that sounds bad bc I'm not the only one to go through this,but I had hopes to deliver like every woman in my family. Sorry I had to rant about this a little. I've been so depressed about it.