Am I a horrible person?

Question

I had a missed miscarriage on 10/07 where the doctor told us my 8 week baby stopped growing at 7 weeks. We'd like to try again as soon as I stop bleeding which seems to finally be soon. So here's my dilemma, my husband has a 18 month dog who is very very high engery and causes me lots of stress (we live in an apartment). He needs so much attention and when I was pregnant he had several accidents in the house and one time I even had to carry all 75 pounds into the bath. Not to mention I really disliked him while pregnant. Now I know he didn't cause the miscarriage but I can't help but feel angry towards the dog. I asked my husband if we get pregnant again to send the dog to stay temporarily with a dog sitter. He agreed but I know he's really sad. The other day I said  "I can't wait to start trying again" and he's said "maybe we should wait". I got my such a sick feeling in my stomach and I can't help but think maybe it's because of our agreement to send the dog temporarily.  I feel like starting a family is more important and I feel like he wants the dog to stay. What are some of your thoughts on the situation? Am I being a total 'B' by making him send his dog away?

Answer

If you haven't tried crating or formal training, I would discuss these options with your husband as well and show him that as much as you guys want a baby you understand the dog is his baby too. BUT. A human baby is even MORE work so if he can't make time or effort to train the dog to behave maybe he needs to truly consider how TTC again is going to require his energy and effort as well. Try these options before and give your body a month or two also to bring your stress levels down. I have MC before and I understand the want to try again right away. I am sorry for your pain and your loss and I wish you the best in finding a solution that works the best for everyone involved.

Answer

Is it possible that the dog (and your husband) would benefit from formal training? Could you find a cheap dog sitter it set aside some extra time in your day to take the dog on more walks or to a local dog park? I have two dogs that are high energy breeds and when I don't make enough time for them to expend their energy, they can be complete jerks and cause issues with accidents in the house, jumping on furniture or me, or excessive barking--- but they are like my kids and I could never be away from them for long so I have learned that making sure they get two very long walks a day and a dog park visit at least twice a week makes them behave so much better.

Answer

I'm not trying to start anything but I would be very offended if I were your husband. First of all does the dog stay in a crate when no one is home? If so just put it in there when you don't want to deal with it. Also the energy of the dog isn't going to go down depending on the breed. Instead of sending the dog away why don't you try working on training it so it doesn't make messes in the apt. My husband and I have two dogs and I'm a nanny, I've come to find out that training and dog and a child have a lot of similarities so it's not going to be easier when the baby comes. You shouldn't be picking the dog up either, it's not good for you in early pregnancy. Maybe you should take some time now to spend with the dog and form a relationship with it on your own. When women become pregnant dogs often get very protective which can be a good thing. Don't force your husband to send the dog away, it was a part of the family before you got pregnant.

Answer

I had the same problem. Our dog was extremely active that she would jump up at me so it would cause me a lot of stress. She never did that to him so he didn't see a problem with it. After my 2nd miscarriage my mom expressed her concern about having the dog inside. She said it wasn't healthy so we discussed it and al though he was upset he agreed to have her sleep outside. The day they told us we were miscarring she went missing. So it was a double whammy to our hearts.

Answer

I'd do the same thing

Answer

Dogs are a commitment and if you aren't going to take care of it you should find it a good home. Poor thing!

Am I a horrible person?

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