Unplanned pregnancy

So I'm 8wks pregnant with an unplanned pregnancy and since I told my bf he has said the same thing that he doesn't want it. I stood up for myself and told him that I was keeping the baby whether he wants to be around or not and he's committed suicide twice cos of the pregnancy and we kind of grew apart like we have been up and down since I found out. The other day I called to book an abortion but I really don't want to have one but I'm scared of losing him, I've got a 5yr from a previous relationship and I always said I would never be a single mum with 2 kids but right now it looks like if I keep the baby I will end up alone. I really don't know what to do anymore and everyone I talk to says to do what's best for me and not him. I just need outsider advice 😔