venting. need help.

DH and I are both recovering addicts (me - prescription pills / him: meth). He's had 5 years clean and I had 7 years clean. I had to have surgery in December of 2015 and they prescribed pain pills and this started a dangerous downhill slide for me. Well fast forward to me getting pregnant - I was clean for 2 months prior to TTC I quit smoking and everything. Got pregnant first month TTC. Ended up with a c section and got more pain pills and now I can't stop thinking about it and my husband has taken some too. We have a friend that can order them off the Internet and offered to do so. Now I know I'm in danger and I've called my NA sponsor. DH has stolen pain pills from his dad who has cancer. Fucked up I know. I am done with taking pills. I've started working steps. I'm still obsessing on the pills and it's misery. I have an amazing life, career, and 8 week old daughter. She's well taken care of, we make good money. I'm just so scared of the path we were on and I fear my husband might not stay clean - and I know I can't stop him. I can only do me. My stomach is a ball of nerves and I feel so bad for having any of this happen to begin with. Idk what I'm looking for with this post - guess I needed to vent. Opiates are hella hard to stop. I am determined because me and my baby deserve the best version of me. I had 7 years clean and I can and will do it again . Just feeling the shame and fear and guilt. Sorry I'm rambling. Thanks for reading.