being in delivery room by myself?

I try to not let it get to me but just thinking about it really makes me upset, because I never thought I'd go through this alone, my ex is mad at me because I won't take him back after he really hurt me and then blames me for some of the stuff ex. I was texting someone trying to figure out who he was and when I finally figured out who it was I blocked him and never responded.. when I try to talk to him he pushes me and threaten to hit me, and I still took him back after that, now when I bring up what he did, he says it's my fault... I gave him chance after chance and now he's mad, last year when I was first finding out I was pregnant he told me he wanted to date another girl and let me be a side chick... so now I told him it's over and I don't want him around my baby, because he spread lies.. and I don't want my baby around that and now I feel bad about blocking him and saying all this  ...