Having a Hard Time Being Happy
I am having a baby girl due sept 30th. I should be happy, but it's hard when you are stressed out beyond your means. I lost my job in May, am still trying for unemployment, but still also trying to find a job but it's seeming to be pretty impossible. No one wants to hire someone who's gonna be a liability and just leave in a couple months anyway. I have a massively expensive car payment that I am late on. My boyfriend (baby's father) assured me he would help me with my car since he's always taking it to work anyway. Well he was just arrested in the beginning of June for possession of Heroin. I told him I will not have that in my baby's life and he has a chance to clean up his act before she is born(otherwise it's the boot from both our lives). But now it's impossible to trust him. Every time he leaves the house I panic and worry. He still has yet to help me with my car payment because now he has crazy fines on his hands. On top of all these issues, my best friend doesn't wanna hear my problems cause she thinks I'm an idiot for staying with him. & my boyfriend is very insensitive to me not trusting him. We also haven't had sex in idk how long and I feel as though he's constantly trying to stay away from me. Always outside smoking cigs for long periods of time, or walking to the store down the st every hour. I know he's clean because his family and I drug test him all the time, but I still find myself nagging and crying to him every night, making things worse. I feel awful about it later but I'm so hormonal I can't help it. I'm at a loss & don't know what to do. I feel like I lost the most important person in my life right now.
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