Kicking my addiction

Today is the day I get take control of my habits. My boyfriend and I have been using cocaine pretty much every night for the past 5 months and last night we sat down together and agreed that from today, we go clean. We’ve said a few times that we should take a break or cut down how much we use, but we’ve always found an excuse to go back on our word. But not today.

We realised and finally admitted to ourselves and each other that if we couldn’t manage to go a few days without it, it’s become a problem. And I’m determined to not let a drug control my life. I’ve enjoyed it a lot over the past few months. A little bit each night facilitates some extra time with my boyfriend. But I don’t want to be dependent and so it’s time to stop. We realised yesterday that we’ve spent probably £1000 on cocaine since we started using it daily, and that could have been used so much more wisely. We don’t spend out on booze or cigarettes or lottery or anything else like that which is why we’ve justified it for so long, because people definitely spend more than we do on their habits so why shouldn’t we?

But it’s time to stop with the excuses. I’ve promised myself and my boyfriend that if we can’t make it to the end of the month without seriously wanting to cave then I’m getting us professional help, and I mean it. That will be a sad day for me, and so I’m not going to let it get that far- I CAN do this with my own will. I am in charge of me.

We’d normally pick up every Friday so we’ve already planned to put aside and save the same amount of money that we would have spent. If nothing else seeing that money pile up will keep me motivated to stay clean!

I’m putting it here too, because as stupid as it may sound, now that it’s written down, it’s real. Take this as my contract with the universe.

Wish me luck.