How do I heal?

I was sexually abused at 8 years old for 5 years by my brother-in-law. He has a wife (which is my sister), and a son. They have a new baby coming soon. I need help. Because I don't know why, but I keep thinking it's all my fault. And I hate it! I know it's not, but I still keep putting the blame on me. I am not ready to tell my parents. Please please do not judge. Or convincing me to tell because my mind and everything is not ready. I feel like I need to overcome this first. And I want to go to the police instead of telling my parents. That's my choice. But I have anxiety and depression and maybe PTSD.

With my anxiety:

I start to shake a lot if someone is touching me, and if I am near men.

Depression:

I am just so sad all the time.

PTSD:

when someone talks about the past I start to shake. When someone talks about rape, sexual abuse, and or etc I freak out, and I have to leave at times. I cry at night. I get anxiety when I am near my brother-in-law.