DV - Question

Me and my now ex are unable to communicate based on a DV charge after I called on him and he was taken.

However, I should not have called because it was my fault he blew up on me. He’d blow up because we argue and I don’t leave him alone (I would basically pester him).

I really want to request a removal of the order the judge put in place, and I am wanting to be with him again. Of course I’m working on my issues before then.

The only problem is I’m sure he has already been in contact with other women by now, and by the time this order is removed he will probably be involved with someone else/not want anything to do with me.

How do I get over feelings for someone that I’ve been with for 10 years? How do I move on and know that he will one day be happy in a way I desperately wished for us?

I never cheated, I stuck by him each time he spoke to other females. But I ended up having trust issues, and it wasn’t good.

But I love him.

I’m afraid of moving on and letting go of my feelings only to find out that he still wants to be with me. But I’m also afraid of hanging on and being crushed in the end.

I’m so lost...