Need an advice! Do you think this is an appropriate message to send to my boyfriend please help me thank you in advance 🙏🏼 sorry it’s so long

I went back and kissed you because I stood there and not once did you look at me 🥺 you couldn’t even say I LOVE YOU! You said love you like we where friends! Honestly we aren’t in control of what happens we don’t know how long we will be on this earth I don’t get how you get serious when I’m around you I was thinking today and I know what I want for Christmas I want one whole day of your time one day with you just you and nobody else I want to have you for at least one hour but no phone no tv just you! Like i don’t know if you notice but you been getting serious with me for a few days now and honestly I don’t know why like did you stop loving me? Are you tired of me? Do you not feel the same about us anymore? Is it just a habit of us being a relationship like idk i don’t feel loved around you I feel like you no longer want me around you! You smile laughing in a good mood and as I get near you. You push me away you get serious idk what to do I’m tired of trying so hard to please you I’m tired of always having to make the first hug or the first talk and I’m tired of arguing and I’m honestly not happy with how our relationship is going I don’t like it because you been serious towards me and you always go to be bed mad at me and you only talk to me in the morning and you don’t even say that you love me or kiss me when you leave what if that was the last time you saw me? where is that guy that did all that where is he can I get him back ? Honestly I miss that I feel like your spark is gone like you probably think that you have to be with me but you don’t you know if you no longer feel that love anymore tell me and we go our own ways it’s not like you need me I don’t do anything you work you make your own money. Shit you could make anybody happy just know you can talk to me and tell me hey Elisa I no longer want to be with you shit I won’t trip like honestly I won’t blame you why would you want to be with a girl like me ? It makes sense. I don’t do shit for you , I don’t pay my bills, I don’t work, I don’t got money, I’m ugly , I’m fat, I have no ass no boobs like RUN WHY YOU STILL WITH ME ? I don’t get you at times because you are a 100 and I’m like a -0 like Why would someone sooooooooo good looking be with someone as hideous as me like why do that why? Well anyways we need to talk because I’m not gonna be every day with you as you get serious with me while with everyone else you are happy as fuck like that is not fair in that case I’ll get a night job so I don't have to desperately wait for every day to see my baby for you to be serious towards me If work stressed you I didn’t do it if your friends made you stressed they did I didn’t like get mad at me when I actually do something to you not when all I do is wait for you at home like I don’t get it! It’s like when you get home I don’t exist for you! Honestly, it hurts because like why would you be gone all day and get home to me and it’s like I don’t exist for you. I know that you are tired but that is still no excuse to act like I’m not in the same room! Do you think that I don’t want you to give me a smile when You get home all I see is a serious face I miss those times when you would be happy to come home missing me like I missed you! Like honestly right now it’s like you wish you would rather stay anywhere but come home to me ! Is it that much to come home and I’m there? If it is I’ll get a job so you won’t have to see my face ? Like I look forward to seeing you thinking that today is gonna be better than last night but no same thing all over again like I love Christmas and I’m honestly not looking forward to it! 😭 Christmas is my favorite holiday and all I want is to spend it with the man I love and my family but this year it don’t feel like you want me no more like all your love just vanished! This isn’t a breakup I don’t wanna end I love you but if you don’t want to be with me no more just fucking say it I’m tired of having to wake up hoping you will talk to me or waiting hoping you won’t be mad when you come home like damn I never tell you anything when all you want to do is play with your friends or go to sleep or be on your phone or just know I exist? Where do I fit in? Like can I have a space in your busy day like can I have some of your time just to cuddle or talk or kiss like you don’t be affectionate towards me anymore like I have to ask and it shouldn’t be like that! I want you to just randomly send me a message telling me how you feel post me on your social Media once in a while even if it’s just in your story tell me you love me out of the blue kiss me at times when I wanna end my life tell me I’m me im beautiful because 24/7 I feel fat ugly insecure and like I don’t deserve to be alive i don’t I have depression I want to end my life almost everyday when I look at my body in the mirror I feel like so ugly I had to get this off my chest !!!