officially quitting breastfeeding and i couldn’t be happier

after the past 5 weeks of loving and bonding with my precious newborn, i’ve figured out i hate breastfeeding. i feel like a cow. i hate the pumping. i hate the pain when my boobs swell up. i hate the leaking. but i did it for my baby, for him to bond with me better. to be a good mom.

but i finally realized after another night of crying, exhaustion, and just feeling depressed. i realized if i stop doing the thing that’s making me so miserable i will be a better mom. cause i got to the point where i feed my child then pass him off. all i do is the feedings and diaper changes i don’t interact with him when he’s awake too much, all because i feel like i’m only boobs to him, when that’s not true at all.

when he smiles at me it’s because he loves me and i make him happy, not because i feed him. when he cries and only wants to be held by me, it’s because he loves me and i’m his security, not because i feed him. when his big brown eyes look up at me, he sees his world, his mom, his everything, not just boobs.

and it’s hard to stop breastfeeding him because it is a very big bonding moment to me, but i need to be more than just his food. i still need to be myself, i need to feel like myself. i need to be happy in order to make him happy. and all that matters is that he’s fed and healthy.